The Muppet Movie
“I like this film so far!"
"It hasn't started yet."
“That's what I like about it!" - Statler and Waldorf
“Can you help me? I have lost my sense of direction."
"Have you tried Hare Krishna?" - Agent and Kermit
“There was this sailor that was SO fat"
“How fat was he?"
“Uh ... He was so fat that everybody liked him, and there was nothing funny about him at all." - Fozzie and Sailor
“I'm a professional! I've had three performances!" - Fozzie Bear
“Stay away from women, that's my motto."
"But I can't."
“Neither can I: that's my trouble." - Rowlf and Kermit
“Well, how do you like the film?"
“I've seen detergents that leave a better film than this." - Statler and Waldorf
"Patriotism swells in the heart of the American Bear." - Fozzie
"I'm, ah... I'm..."
"Zoot. Sax is your axe. Uh oh, Zoot skipped a groove again." - Zoot and Dr. Teeth
“Durn, I missed. You know, that's the first thing to go on a frog? The tongue. The tongue goes and you can't catch flies." - Kermit
“Fozzie, where did you learn to drive?"
"Oh, I took a correspondence course." - Kermit and Fozzie
“Oh, I tell ya, Camilla, great plumbers are born, not made! I'm the prince of plungers, fair maiden!" - Gonzo
“A bear in his natural habitat. A Studebaker." - Fozzie Bear
“Draw up the standard "rich and famous" contract for Kermit the Frog and company." - Lew Lord
“I'm going to New York to try to break into public television!" - Big Bird
“Oh yeah, that's Animal. Show 'em what you do, Animal!"
“I what do! Eat drums! Rarrrrgh!"
"No! No! Not eat drums! Beat drums! Beat drums!" - Dr. Teeth and Animal
“Life's like a movie / Write your own ending." - The Muppets
“I'm going to Bombay, India, to become a movie star!"
“You don't go to Bombay to become a movie star. You go where we're going: Hollywood."
“Sure, if you want to do it the easy way!" - Gonzo and Fozzie
“That's pretty dangerous building a road in the middle of the street. I mean, if frogs couldn't hop I'd be gone with the Schwinn." - Kermit
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The Great Muppet Caper
"Look, father! A bear!"
“No, dear. That's a frog. Bears wear hats." - a girl and her dad
“You! It was you! Kermit was right. You're a phony. You're a PHONY. Yes, and you know what, you can't even sing. You were dubbed!" - Miss Piggy
“It's plot exposition. It has to go somewhere." - Lady Holliday
“I guess all's well that ends well."
"I don't care, as long as it ends." - Statler and Waldorf
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The Muppets Take Manhattan
“I'll pick up the bill today, Gil."
“Would you like something from the grill, Jill?"
“No, meat makes me ill, Gil." - Bill, Gil, and Jill
“Me? Marry a pig? Maybe you expected me to go HOG-wild? Maybe you could bring home the BACON! Ahhh... the sounds of love: su-EEEEE! Oink, oink!"- Kermit
“Do you believe in interspecies dating?"
“Well, I've dated some rats before, if that's what you mean." - Rizzo and Brooke Sheilds
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Muppet Treasure Island
“Beware lad, beware!"
“What, the one-legged man?"
“Aye, but also, beware running with scissors or any other pointy object! It's all good fun, until someone loses an eye!" - Billy Bones and Jim
“‘Take a cruise,' you said! ‘See the world,' you said! Now here we are, stuck on the front of this stupid ship!"
“Well, it could be worse. We could be stuck in the audience!" - Statler and Waldorf
“Dead Tom is dead! Long John shot him!"
“But Dead Tom's always been dead. That's why he's called Dead Tom." - Pirates
“Captured by crazed wild boars and about to be sacrificed hideously before a pagan altar!"
”Are we lucky or what?" - Rizzo and Gonzo
“You left me standing at the altar!"
“I was on a ship headed for Zanzibar. I got cold feet."
“You're a frog! You're supposed to have cold feet!" - Benjamina Gunn and Captain Smollett
“It's some kind of a blind fiend."
“I believe they prefer visually challenged fiend." - Rizzo and Gonzo
“He died, and this is supposed to be a kids movie?" - Rizzo
“I've gone way beyond afraid. Right now I'm somewhere between bedwetting and a near death experience." - Rizzo
“I'm getting taller. This is cool; I may have a future in the NBA" - Gonzo